life in full colo

In searching for where my life is leading me and what direction I think God has called me to go, there is a sense of clarity now in my life. It's funny how you think you're doing what God wants you to do, and you’re so sure that this is ok with God. Then, God kind of laughs at you and direct you in a path where you would never dream of heading (at the last moment when things seem impossible to turn back). This is certainly the case when I was called to ministry. I am soon to become a graduate with a degree that I don’t find useful, and last two quarters I asked God to show me his way if I am going in the wrong direction. This is when God slowly started to show me the open doors, and show me what gifts I have to be a part of one body.

This is very recent and still echoing in my head as to why I am called to do this. I used to think that because of my lack interest and my personal desires, I would never serve God through ministry. There are million things I can’t grasp when it comes to Jesus and it’s hard to see things and see people in my life through Jesus. But there was this frustration; there was this sense of incompletion I have had that makes me ask the question “What am I doing?” This discomfort did not sit well with me. I knew the things I should do but I didn’t believe or know why.

My hope was that I could phase through life by being mysterious blessed with minimal frustrations or sufferings. My hope was that if God wanted me to enjoy him, he was going to help me chill throughout my life. If I was enjoying life, then I would be enjoying God.

In this search where I still don’t have what I am looking for, I have found frustration, confusion, sense of failure, and many other disappointments. But the one thing I have found and what continues to drive me is the hope that Jesus will reveal it to me the questions about why we do all things.

I am starting to realize that no prayer goes unanswered. It’s just that we put a time frame on when we can hear from God and get disappointed or think God wants me to have free will in this decision.

Let my life and prayer be about Jesus and not me.